The San Francisco Giants are currently in a battle with the Detroit Tigers for the World Series pennant. I live in the Bay area and am surrounded by family and friends who are diehard Giants fans. I am a know-nothing about baseball, but I’ve watched some of the games in a half-hearted attempt to please my family and friends.
While my family and friends talk about “rbi’s,” “switch-hitters,” “bottom of this and that,” and other terms I don’t understand, I watch fascinated by the game’s weird customs. To paraphrase Jerry Garcia: “It’s been a long, strange trip….”
1. On national television, in front of millions of viewers, the players incessantly rearrange their genitalia. Wow.
2. A stern-faced Detroti Tiger coach stares coldly at his players. His hand suddenly starts moving rapidly as if manipulated by a puppet master. He touches his ear, then his forehead, then his upper lip in some bizarre communication ritual with his players. Is he suffering from a Tourette’s attack? If I were a player, I’d be totally lost: ”Er, pinkie on his left ear, WHAT does that mean??”
3. A Giants player bunts the ball. Two Detroit Tigers and a ref run over to the ball and stare at it. Nobody picks it up. They watch it roll for what seems like fifteen minutes. Finally, the game proceeds. Huh?
4. The coaches’ facial expressions kill me. There must be a “how to be a coach” manual guiding them: “Never, ever smile. Narrow your eyes to tiny slits. Stare.” Just once, I’d like to see a coach laughing his head off, having a good time. Geez, you’re in the World Series, have some fun with it!
5. When a pitcher struggles, five or six members of his team run out on the field along with two or three coaches. They all huddle around the player. My husband says they are trying to support the guy. Seriously? This is panic attack city. Can you imagine this happening to Tiger Woods when his golf swing is off?
6. Deep black beards sported by many players make them look like strong contenders for child molester of the year. At least think about some highlights, guys.